Help My Unbelief

Dear God,

I need a miracle.  Actually, I have a friend who needs a miracle, and I’m just one of the hundreds of people who are probably begging for her miracle this week.

I have some pretty vivid memories from my high school days where you opened my eyes to a truth in your word for the first time.  Like the time I was on a mission trip, snuggled in my sleeping bag on the floor of some Sunday School room.  I remember reading in my Rebecca St. James devotional book that I was expected to rejoice even in my sufferings.  Say what?!?  You mean I’m not supposed to just throw a pity party and whine?

I also remember hearing a truth for the first time sitting in the floor of an upstairs cabin at Camp Little Cross Roads in my first summer as a counselor.  It was during a staff meeting, and one of the directors told us that we were to, “Pray believing.”  I guess that up until that point I had always prayed wishing or hoping…not really believing.

All these years later, I’m still struggling with both of these instructions, God.

How can I rejoice in the midst of my friend’s suffering?  I realize that the rest of those verses say that believers are supposed to rejoice because of what the suffering produces in us…patience, character, and hope.  God, I think my friend has enough of those.  She’s got it.  And for me, God…..might I suggest you could just choose some other way to produce patience, character, and hope in my life?  My children seem to be doing a pretty good job at all of those these days.

And then there’s the whole praying believing deal.  Here’s the thing….I fully believe, 100%, that you have the power to produce this miracle.  Every single part of my being knows that you can.  I must confess, God, that I just have a hard time praying believing that you will.

Then my mind starts this vicious, never-ending, confusing cycle of questions that you’ve heard from me a zillion times.  What if I’m the reason that it’s not happening?  What if my unbelief is holding you back?  But what if I pray it and then that’s not your will?  What then?

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief.

God, I started typing this prayer hoping (believing even, maybe) that I’d get to this point and I’d have some answers.  I guess that your answers are not really any different than the instructions that prompted the questions:  Rejoice.  Believe.

This night is born to us the root of our joy

So I will rejoice in the birth of the one from whom joy grows.  I will rejoice in the midst of my friend’s sufferings because I do believe that the product of that suffering can bring glory to you.  We need a miracle.  Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief.


4 thoughts on “Help My Unbelief

  1. Yep. This is me too. Those two issues. It goes along with remembering that this is a fallen world. It’s hurting and bad things aren’t the surprise. But it’s hard to remember. Pray in all things… And it will be given to you? Yes, indeed. Help my unbelief.

  2. Pingback: Twelve in 2012 | chica and bubba

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