I wonder if something really is better than nothing. Lately all I’ve had is nothing.
In the past two weeks I’ve started a few posts and then decided that each was too boring or too whiny or too rambling before posting anything. So here I am again, hoping that something will come of nothing.
I’ve hit that point in the school year where it starts to feel a bit hamster wheel-ish. Here’s how it goes…
5:00 alarm. Snooze. 5:09. Snooze. 5:18. 5:27. Ok….just one more….I promise. Oh shoot. Bubba’s awake. Snoozing over.
We’re out the door by 7:30, mental list running of all the things I still have to do at school. After lots of, “Hurry ups,” and, “I’m too busy to answer so many questions today,” it’s time to drop Chica off in the cafeteria. I rush around trying to finish 27 things in the nine minutes I have left to myself. Noticing either my panic or my exhaustion, three people stop me and ask me if everything is going okay. Nothing’s really different from yesterday and the 20 days before, so, yep….just fine. I’m making it.
There are occasional moments of brilliance at school, both on my part and theirs. And most days I have at least one moment (or three or four) where I remind myself what a truly fantastic group of kids I have. But then there are lots of moments in between where it’s hard or uninspired or disorganized or just not as good as it can be. In those moments I make all kinds of promises myself to fix it tomorrow. I’m still waiting for tomorrow to come, I guess.
At home it’s dinner, bath, and then bedtime. I hit autopilot, and those hours…the ones that should be the best….just fly by. I spend them thinking about all of the school work and house work I will accomplish when everyone is in bed, but then I get there and just can’t. I’m too tired. I tell myself I’ll work in the morning, but we know how that goes, right? Snooze, snooze, snooze, Bubba…..too late. Back in that hamster wheel. Just keep moving.
So I’m still feeling like I’ve got a wholelotta nothing. I’ve sat here for a long time figuring out if there’s a bigger point to this post. It can’t be just that life is routine and blah and tiresome. Actually, I even slept on it, hoping for a renewed perspective. Here’s the best I’ve got…
Writing a blog is fun. You get to pick out the funny or dramatic or pathetic moments you live and embellish them until they are worth reading about. But then there are all the other moments in between. If all you read (or write) about are the way ups or the way downs, the picture starts to get a little skewed. So here I am saying that sometimes life is just normal, and you have to keep moving waiting for that next highlight. And I’m learning to be okay with that.
Ok. Bubba’s up. Back on the wheel…