Nothing and Something

I wonder if something really is better than nothing.  Lately all I’ve had is nothing.

In the past two weeks I’ve started a few posts and then decided that each was too boring or too whiny or too rambling before posting anything.  So here I am again, hoping that something will come of nothing.

I’ve hit that point in the school year where it starts to feel a bit hamster wheel-ish.  Here’s how it goes…

5:00 alarm.  Snooze.   5:09.  Snooze.  5:18.  5:27.  Ok….just one more….I promise.  Oh shoot.  Bubba’s awake.  Snoozing over.

We’re out the door by 7:30, mental list running of all the things I still have to do at school.   After lots of, “Hurry ups,” and, “I’m too busy to answer so many questions today,” it’s time to drop Chica off in the cafeteria.  I rush around trying to finish 27 things in the nine minutes I have left to myself.  Noticing either my panic or my exhaustion, three people stop me and ask me if everything is going okay.  Nothing’s really different from yesterday and the 20 days before, so, yep….just fine.  I’m making it.

There are occasional moments of brilliance at school, both on my part and theirs.  And most days I have at least one moment (or three or four) where I remind myself what a truly fantastic group of kids I have.  But then there are lots of moments in between where it’s hard or uninspired or disorganized or just not as good as it can be.   In those moments I make all kinds of promises myself to fix it tomorrow.  I’m still waiting for tomorrow to come, I guess.

At home it’s dinner, bath, and then bedtime.  I hit autopilot, and those hours…the ones that should be the best….just fly by.  I spend them thinking about all of the school work and house work I will accomplish when everyone is in bed, but then I get there and just can’t.  I’m too tired.  I tell myself I’ll work in the morning, but we know how that goes, right?  Snooze, snooze, snooze, Bubba…..too late.  Back in that hamster wheel.  Just keep moving.

******

So I’m still feeling like I’ve got a wholelotta nothing.  I’ve sat here for a long time figuring out if there’s a bigger point to this post.  It can’t be just that life is routine and blah and tiresome.  Actually, I even slept on it, hoping for a renewed perspective.  Here’s the best I’ve got…

Writing a blog is fun.  You get to pick out the funny or dramatic or pathetic moments you live and embellish them until they are worth reading about.  But then there are all the other moments in between.  If all you read (or write) about are the way ups or the way downs, the picture starts to get a little skewed.  So here I am saying that sometimes life is just normal, and you have to keep moving waiting for that next highlight.  And I’m learning to be okay with that.

Ok.  Bubba’s up.  Back on the wheel…

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Nothing and Something

  1. There’s that Harry Chapin song, “All my life;s a circle, sunrise and sundown”:

    All my life’s a circle, sunrise and sundown
    Moon rolls through the night-time till the daybreak comes around
    All my life’s a circle I can’t tell you why
    Seasons spinning round again, the years keep rolling by

    Seems like I’ve been here before, and I well remember when
    I’ve got a funny feeling that we’ll all be together again
    No straight lines make up my life, all my roads are bends
    There’s no clear-cut beginning and so far no dead ends

    I’ve found you a thousand times, I know you’ve done the same
    Then we lose each other, it’s like a children’s game
    If I find you here again the thought comes through my mind
    Life is like a circle, let’s go round one more time

    Let’s go round one more time!!!

  2. I totally hear you about the mind numbing routine! However, I have learned that you have to watch what you wish for. In a blink of an eye it can all change. Sometimes it’s okay to ‘just’ be healthy and happy, have happy and healthy kids and be employed. It’s boring sometimes but it’s better than a bad patch! Keep your chin up and know that you are not alone. Lots of us are living the boring life right along with you. One day we might remember the boring days fondly. Enjoy your day!!

  3. Even if all you can manage some days is just sharing a special smile with one of your loved ones, that smile can give the day enough meaning. Unfortunately, life is full of humdrum. But, that’s life!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s