So I took a few tiny steps towards rearranging today. I was feeling hesitant to record them here. At the same time that I was worried about tooting my own horn, I also worried that the steps would seem too small and insignificant. How is it even possible to worry about those things at the same time? Yet here I am, hoping that my moments may resonate with someone else in the same big ocean liner. (Thanks, Hope.)
This morning Bubba woke up at 4:30 a.m., and Chica wasn’t far behind. Needless to say, we were ready to go way before I could actually drop Bubba off at school. Chica was busy giving some kind of animal a bath in a Frisbee, and Bubba was doing what nine month olds do best—dumping every single toy out of the nearest basket. With three minutes remaining before the time to head out the door, I sat down to read something…anything. I landed on this. I prayed for my day to be calmed in the same way. (Since I’m letting it all hang out, though, I must add that Chica interrupted my attempted moment of calming at least five times. “Moooooom. I need…..” Argh. There was an awful lot of huffing and puffing and head buried in my hands for a supposedly calm moment.)
I left school today at 4:45. See, when you write a blog and then share it with your friends, you can’t hide anymore. About 4:15 a school friend lets on that she read my early morning thoughts. “I read your post. Go home and be with your family.” Thanks for the reminder, friend. I managed to leave a clean room at a reasonable time….30 minutes before I am usually rushing out the door. The most interesting part is that I don’t think I accomplished any less after school than the days that I stay until 5:15. How does that work?
I’m realizing in this new arrangement that I’m going to have to accept a greater degree of undone in my days. I want to learn to be okay with that. Why not start now? I’m going to leave this post undone…without a perfect ending… in exchange for a few minutes to hang out with Jay. Night.