Undone

So I took a few tiny steps towards rearranging today.  I was feeling hesitant to record them here.   At the same time that I was worried about tooting my own horn, I also worried that the steps would seem too small and insignificant.  How is it even possible to worry about those things at the same time?  Yet here I am, hoping that my moments may resonate with someone else in the same big ocean liner.  (Thanks, Hope.)

This morning Bubba woke up at 4:30 a.m., and Chica wasn’t far behind.   Needless to say, we were ready to go way before I could actually drop Bubba off at school.  Chica was busy giving some kind of animal a bath in a Frisbee, and Bubba was doing what nine month olds do best—dumping every single toy out of the nearest basket.  With three minutes remaining before the time to head out the door, I sat down to read something…anything.  I landed on this.  I prayed for my day to be calmed in the same way.  (Since I’m letting it all hang out, though, I must add that Chica interrupted my attempted moment of calming at least five times.  “Moooooom.  I need…..”  Argh.  There was an awful lot of huffing and puffing and head buried in my hands for a supposedly calm moment.)

I left school today at 4:45.  See, when you write a blog and then share it with your friends, you can’t hide anymore.   About 4:15 a school friend lets on that she read my early morning thoughts.  “I read your post.  Go home and be with your family.”  Thanks for the reminder, friend.  I managed to leave a clean room at a reasonable time….30 minutes before I am usually rushing out the door.  The most interesting part is that I don’t think I accomplished any less after school than the days that I stay until 5:15.  How does that work?

I’m realizing in this new arrangement that I’m going to have to accept a greater degree of undone in my days.  I want to learn to be okay with that.  Why not start now?  I’m going to leave this post undone…without a perfect ending… in exchange for a few minutes to hang out with Jay.  Night.

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