On the Dresser

Today I found a pair of shoes I have been missing for months. They were on my dresser. Not in, not under. On.

What I really want to write about is my friend who is living her last few days or weeks. But all of the thoughts are still a little too blurry to go from my heart to words to my fingers. So echoing my friend, Cheryl’s post, I’ll carry on with the everyday, like finding shoes. But every other thought is elsewhere. Here, but not really here.

So the shoes. Let me just announce to the world that the Proffitt family has broken some kind of world house record. Way back here I gave my expert advice on binge house cleaning. Well whadaya know? I’ve realized binging is not especially good for my health, and I’ve started a more balanced diet of straightening and putting away. I do know that a true habit takes an average of at least three weeks to form (I’m only 17 or 18 days in), and I could fall off the bandwagon at any point. But this is a real record, folks. This house has been straight (I’m not claiming clean) for over two weeks. Be amazed.

So today when I had an extra hour to myself, guess what I chose to do? Clean! I know, right…I hardly believe myself either. I decided to tackle those last few spots I’ve been putting off. The top of my dresser was definitely one of them. Mostly because the pile was starting to remind me of a Jenga game. I halfway expected the whole thing to collapse around me if I pulled out the wrong object at the wrong time.

Thankfully, I avoided the collapse and uncovered a whole host of treasures in the process. Remember how I kept an inventory of Chica’s bed here? Yep, she’s definitely my kid. I didn’t make a list of every single item, but here’s a few of the best: the missing brown shoes (yay!), an anniversary card I wrote Jay over a year ago, a gift I got at a wedding shower thrown by college friends (Sorry Ayn….lost track), an unwrapped McDonald’s toy, lots of clothes that are now too small for my kids (that have been there since they fit, no doubt), and a Starbucks gift card. Score.

Wanna know a secret? Most days I feel like I’m just playing at this whole adult thing. I know, I should be way past that stage, but I just keep waiting for that day when I actually feel like a grown-up grownup. But there are a few things that make me feel more like an adult. Keeping my house straight, making new traditions, and *considering* keeping a calendar, for example.

Oh…that, and figuring out the dental assistant walking me to the right room was a former student of mine. In fifth grade. Yikes.

So here I am right back where I started. Here, but also there wondering about growing up and grief and how to help my sweet little family process something so hard.

We love you, Sharon!

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